Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
