Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
