I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
