you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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