I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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