he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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