Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
