Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
