someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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