I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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