Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
