I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
