tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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