I puked a lego.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
