Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
