You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
