What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
