hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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