I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
