i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
