why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize