I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
