Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
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I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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