In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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