I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
nutella sex= disaster
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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