She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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