I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
