who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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