Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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