You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
