Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
