no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
