Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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