STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
