Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
