Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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