there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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