Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
