I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
