Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
