I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
