he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
