I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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