I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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