Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
