i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
