I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
