im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
