I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
