Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I didn't notice because vodka
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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