He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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