I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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