Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
