you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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