I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
