Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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