I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
