; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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