man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
