No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
