I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
