Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
