He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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