Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Small penises have feelings too.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
