I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
