my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
