Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she looked like the before picture.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
