New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
