I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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