real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
