i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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