he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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