Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
