Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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