it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
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As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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