One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
