the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
